otherwise, they are full of dumb human elements.
let me tell you a long story. but i don't really care if you click away past the end of this sentence.
my wife and i just made the July 2007 cutoff for our adjustment of status for permanent residents. this was done for practical reasons, one of which is filing under the old fee scheme, which, post-July 2007 the DHS/INS have raised 200%. this also meant eventually, that if you got away scot-free from paying the higher filing fees, they will get you somewhere, somehow along the line. i will explain that later.
so, we filed for permanent resident (read: green card) status. things look rosy no? we didn't actually have our medical papers done yet, because we felt it was better to err on the side of caution in terms of, if this thing stretches out past a year, and the medical certification is good only for 365 days, they would ask us to submit new certifications. which means additional fees. which is not cool for lower middle class people like us, who are subject to the whims of the system. so we figured, let them notify us that they need our medical certifications, when they need them.
by december 2007, my wife had our biometrics scheduled and those got done in a jiffy. we weren't going to jeopardize our status. we were optimistic that the papers were indeed moving along somehow, even though with that July 2007 cutoff, thousands of people had the same idea and we were just a couple of fish in the sea.
also by that time, my wife also got her Employment Authorization (EAD), which we filed along with the Adjustment of Status. this was prescient, because she needed to work in a legal way. i didn't apply for the same because i was much more optimistic than her that we could get approved within a year.
by early summer 2008, we didn't hear back from DHS, and i now had to file for my own Employment Authorization. still within the rules; however, those who filed post-July '07 don't have to pay a fee for their EAD. schmucks like me who filed under the cheaper fees must now pay another $340. see what i mean about them getting you no matter what? you know what i think? with the money they got from thousands of people like me who filed for Adjustment of Status to make the cutoff, then after the cutoff (higher rates), i think that was intended to finance the Iraq Surge that started that winter.
or ... or ... at least some of those went into bailing out mismanaged financial institutions who have caused this horrific financial crisis. hey, glad i could help out, mr. rich man. want me to shine your shoes too, before you board your helicopter with your fucking golden parachute?
so, around mid-June, i filed for a first-time EAD, and my wife filed for renewal of hers (expiring September 2008). i got mine within 3 to 4 weeks. well, well, well ... somebody likes to cash checks!
at the same time i got mine, my wife got a notification letter that we sent her renewal papers to the wrong place. it should be Mesquite, Texas, not St. Albans, Vermont. huh? really?
ok, so we mail the damn thing to Texas. its still July 2008. not to worry. plenty of time. yeehaw!! plus they like cashing checks so this could be done in no time, right?
well, yes and no.
around very late August, our latest foray online to check the status of her renewal application showed that: they needed additional information, and were sending us a letter detailing what they needed. as to why they could not SAY RIGHT THERE AND THEN WHAT THE HELL THEY NEEDED is beyond me. the letter is for official purposes. what harm is there in notifying us in advance what is required of us, so we can prepare?
early September. no letter.
mid-September, still no letter, no nothing.
we start to panic. we check the USCIS website. to speak in person to an immigration officer, you'd have to go through another system called Infopass. its just an automated scheduling system, and the earliest appointment we could get was ... September 26. my wife's EAD expires in 4 days after that. and if you Google hard enough, you'll know that they don't extend interim or temporary EADs anymore. but it was our only hope, to speak at least with someone who isn't a phone robot.
my wife takes a half-day off from work, goes to the local DHS office. the consultant she spoke with checked her computer, and notified us that DHS needed additional information from us, and will be sending us a letter.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING?
we already know that!!! we can look up that same information from home, dumbass.
what we need to know, is where the goddamned letter is, or if not, let us know what the hell else you require of us, so we can have that EAD renewed!
are you so dumb that you don't understand what we are presenting to you (the complete story with printed documents of what we got so far)?? in fact, we also printed out the webpage saying the EXACT SAME THING YOU TOLD my wife.
is your name Britney Spears??? or Paris Hilton?? i'm not surprised if you're chewing gum as you work (no offense to those who chew gum for medicinal purposes).
my wife explained the best she could. and the best she got out of the dumb DHS employee was they will "email the Mesquite office to ask about this and expedite the letter". as expected, they don't issue interim EADs so we should have to wait. sure, like your EAD is expiring in 4 days.
so why do we not feel confident that she followed through with what she 'promised'?
coincidentally, when we checked the status online again, on that same night, we learned that "the letter was returned by the Post Office as undeliverable".
w-haaaaaaaaaaat????
really?? my wife gets her mail delivered to the same address as me. bank statements, credit card offers, you name it. her first EAD was delivered to the same address. now, how can it be undeliverable?
i blame the Post Office and DHS in equal, venomous measure (only God knows who's at fault here; how about it, God? care to let us know?). the former for disappointing me after years of exemplary service in my neighborhood (know what? i feel guilty for not leaving the postal guy something for Christmas in the years past, but they keep changing so how would i know i credit the best one? this year, am not feeling guilty anymore), and the latter for messing this whole thing up in the first place. how suspicious is it, that the day we inquire about the alleged letter, we get notified online that the letter was 'undeliverable'?
by the way, did i mention that they already cashed the goddamned check?
it gets worse from there.
right after that, i write a semi-angry letter (on behalf of my wife) with all the pertinent documents, detailing the chain of events which led to this day. they're lucky i only used the words "extremely upset", and not the words i use here. believe me, i was very much tempted to. all we need is the info you require from us! how hard is that? with this letter, it cost us another 9 bucks and change for a certified receipt notice (not taking chances here).
today we get a big yellow envelope. could this be the real thing this time?
let me read the letter to you.
"thank you for your recent inquiry ... via letter of information regarding your case. the USCIS has an inquiry tracking system blah blah blah ... we ask that you call the National Customer Service Center toll free telephone number ... available Monday through Friday 8 AM to 5 PM ... they provide customer-friendly (emphasis mine) services which include ... change of address, non-delivery of documents, case status update ... you can also check you case status online ... blah blah blah ..."
holy fecal matter!!! methinks we spent 9 bucks on nothing!!!
by placing such a request for additional information in an 'undeliverable' status, the system is so rigid that the whole case has been flagged under a scenario where 'we' have 'changed addresses' and there is no other way out except notify them of our 'new address'. no kidding. your options are to call the hotline (which as you expect has a whole slew of automated messages and options), or submit a form online, both of which do not cater to the scenario which we are in: someone fucked up because we actually have not changed addresses. that was the whole point of the letter.
so what's a low income middle class taxpaying non-citizen to do?
are you sure you can help me?
for a simple renewal application, it has stretched out to this point that they've taken our hard-earned money already and we're stuck at a point where my wife could lose her job on a technicality, and not be able to be employed until everything is resolved.
don't even get me started on our permanent resident case, which has been pending for more than a year now, and nothing has been heard from them past the biometrics. my father died almost a month ago, and if i had a green card, i could have paid my respects and laid him to rest. what's that? you're telling me about travel parole? here's news for you, richie rich: parole filing fees + last-minute airline tickets = debt. hope you die under the rock you've been living under.
why do we bother?
God help the DHS. for that matter, God help the USA.
(i'm so annoyed after typing this rant, i need me some Nigella Feasts to cool me down. mmmmmm ... Nigella)
