hah!

not by George!

uh, people .. he doesn't give a shit. he just grunted and went back to sleep under his huge pile of hundred dollar bills.

worst. movie. taglines. ever.

french connection

anything with Luc Besson's name attached should be always be checked out.

John Travolta plays another cartoon character but hey, face it, he excels in these roles since Face/Off.

which measures do you prefer?

a darker night

holy Team Edward crap!

byebye, Papa Dom. (no, not that one)

come on
let me hear you say
F the RIAA

you do need experience!

should we plunk down $10 for this? or should we rather watch Sasha Grey's Anatomy?

oh, the horror!

here are my contributions to FrankenFlicks!

Iron Man in the Moon
+
when a struggling comedian is forced to build an armor to save his life, he decides to use this technology to pack comedy clubs and inspire future generations of stand ups.

Any Given Sunday Bloody Sunday
+
football players fancy themselves as modern day gladiators, but would they be able to stand up to British troops in a fight for their civil rights?

X2: X-Men United 93
+
the X-Men are feared and hated by the world, but they are the America's last hope to save a hijacked airliner during the dark day of September 11.

Lord of the Rings of War
+
a notorious arms dealer is conflicted on whether to help a band of gay hobbits destroy a ring that would allow the Dark Lord Sauron to rule the world or gain a lucrative deal that would make him Sauron's exclusive supplier of weapons.

and this last one is a mashup of my pal Jego's two favorite movies ever:

Crimson Prince of Tides
+
a young submarine officer stages a mutiny against his captain but checks with his psychiatrist first, eventually falling in love with her. and then all hell breaks loose.

the anti-Jack

"we used to outsource this stuff." Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson's character in the current $78M juggernaut Taken) tells his criminal captive, before torturing him. this is the kind of Jack Bauer stuff the right-wingers loved and championed especially after 9/11. and Mills would make Bauer proud, leaving a trail of broken bodies and carnage through Paris (take that, you French pussies - oh wait, Luc Besson co-wrote the screenplay). but then Mills has a personal mission: to retrieve his daughter kidnapped by sex traffickers. and that's where he parts ways with dear old Jack - the latter increasingly needs a mission, the mission to have a sense of purpose. Mills gave that career up to re-bond with his estranged daughter, and in one unfortunate series of events, he's back doing what he does best (at this point, even the liberals cheered). Jack can always start having a life, but then maybe he's been that unlucky. Mills can't afford not to have a life, which is why he does what he has to do. may we all do the same under similar circumstances.

not slumming

The best old-fashioned audience picture of the year, a Hollywood-style romantic melodrama that delivers major studio satisfactions in an ultra-modern way.
- Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times

Slumdog Millionaire is nothing if not an enjoyably far-fetched piece of rags-to-riches wish fulfillment. It's like the Bollywood version of a Capra fable sprayed with colorful drops of dark-side-of-the-Third-World squalor.
- Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

This is a breathless, exciting story, heartbreaking and exhilarating at the same time.
- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Slumdog Millionaire has the goods to bust out as a scrappy contender in the Oscar race. It's modern India standing in for a world in full economic spin.
- Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

Despite its elements of brutality, this is a buoyant hymn to life, and a movie to celebrate.
- Richard Corliss, TIME Magazine

Boyle's feature draws the viewer in, immersing him in a fast-moving, engaging narrative featuring a protagonist who is so likeable it's almost unfair.
- James Berardinelli, ReelViews

A gaudy, gorgeous rush of color, sound and motion, Slumdog Millionaire doesn’t travel through the lower depths, it giddily bounces from one horror to the next.
- Manohla Dargis, New York Times

A creative and honest narrative of the tragedies and triumphs of the human spirit. The film's recent fortunes reflect the story it wants to tell. And yes, this is the only time you will see my name alongside these respected film critics.
- grifter, newyorkjuan.blogspot.com



* speaking of reviews, i got solicited for a guest spot on my other interests. won't happen again, so i thank the cool dudes over at doomkopf for the invite.

did you remember today, Mr. Affleck?

being myself

finally, a film worthy of Keanu Reeves' wooden-ness.

now he wasn't beaten by a bunch of penguins